The Up & Up

mytakeonyrface — Wed, 24 Mar 2010 02:53:34 +0000

Much has changed, my friends, and I feel the best way to relate the changes is by making a sweet long list of what rules more than before –

a) I got laid off. It was fantastic. I spent three glorious weeks unemployed and then landed a job with a real company — and a real salary.

b) My dog has been coned. I feel like I sleep with a robot at my feet. That may not sound awesome, but it’s absolutely adorable.

c) Matt and I are apartment searching. We would like to live somewhere without carpet, preferably a house. It will be nice to be able to have company again.

d) I started watching Lost — from the beginning. We watched seasons 1 through the middle of 6 in about a month.

e) I quit smoking today. Yes, and so far I feel fantastic.

f) I got a 35mm from an antique store in Savannah. It’s beautiful and my Papa sent me a book for beginners.

What Sucked 2009

mytakeonyrface — Mon, 04 Jan 2010 21:09:16 +0000

Gaining 8 lbs. Back
Not Finding a New Job
Being Sick
Being Sick on Honeymoon
Rita in the Bathtub
Hour Drive Home
(wait)ing
Chaplain Harrassment
Cigarette Tax Increases
Fleas
Doctor Collins
People Sucking
Neighborly Country Blast
2009 Football Season
Ford Amphitheater
Ringworm

What Ruled 2009

mytakeonyrface — Mon, 04 Jan 2010 21:08:07 +0000

Marrying the Love of My Life
Scissor Sisters – I Don’t Feel Like Dancin’
Karaoke Parties
Ybor City
Honeymoon in California
MGMT – Electric Feel
Ruling, as defined by ruling
Twitter
Dexter
Hungry Howie’s
Chromeo – Tenderoni
Tea
Bags of Swag
Driving the PCH
Natalie Portman’s Shaved Head – Beard Lust
Year-end Bonus
White Rabbits – The Plot
The Truden Friend Society
(bandit)
No Doubt show
Paramore – CrushCrushCrush
Tarpon Springs Photo Shoot
Las Vegas
Yeah Yeah Yeahs – Zero
Polaroid Pictures
Skating Rink Birthday Party
Grand Buffet – Oh My God You’re Weird
CSS – Music is My Hot, Hot Sex
IKEA Tampa
Sister’s Graduation
Massages
Losing 10 lbs.
Engagement Photo Shoot
MIA – Paper Planes
Fergie – Clumsy
Finally Buying Six Feet Under
The Blow – Parenthesis
The Lonely Island
The High Point YMCA
Mr. Obama’s Inauguration
Lala.com
The Beach
Road Trip to Atlanta
SSA Pizza Picnic
The Laughing Cat
Skype Charades

Please Advise.

mytakeonyrface — Tue, 29 Dec 2009 21:15:54 +0000

호랑이의 년

mytakeonyrface — Tue, 22 Dec 2009 17:00:22 +0000

Since 2010 is the Year of the Tiger, it’s probably about time for me to take some action. The apocalypse is nigh, and I’m running out of time.

Here are my resolutions for 2010:

1. Start stockpiling cigarettes
2. Move to California
3. Visit Europe
4. Strengthen my core
5. Hug as many people as possible
6. Document hugs
7. Write novella
8. Build apocalypse-proof darkroom
9. Minimalize
10. Upgrade bicycle

Check My Pulse

mytakeonyrface — Tue, 22 Dec 2009 16:44:17 +0000

I like to check that I’m still alive every fifteen minutes or so. If you can, in fact, die from boredom, I am as good as dead.

Read: Please someone, somewhere read this and realize that my potential is being stuffed into a plastic bag. Get me out of here.

Aspire To Inspire (but Fail)

mytakeonyrface — Tue, 22 Dec 2009 16:19:47 +0000

Search The City With Your Feet

mytakeonyrface — Fri, 18 Dec 2009 19:14:31 +0000

You’ll probably get better information. The Internet is like those giant boxes of useless shit under your bed. You don’t have the heart to throw it away. Somewhere in those boxes is a pair of sweet Bow Biters from your childhood. Everything else is garbage.

If you do a search for anything on Google, it’s like digging through those boxes to find your Bow Biters. Has anyone ever found anything relevant to their search on Yellow Pages, CitySearch, This Next, Kaboodle, City Guide, Shop Style, or NexTag? Those sites are totally worthless, but they’re so well optimized that they come up at the top of every search.

If I want to find a restaurant’s menu, I go to the restaurant’s website. If I want directions, I go to Google maps. If I want to find the closest Target, I either rely on Google or Target’s website. I don’t need This Next to tell me where to get a black dress, because I flippin’ know where to get one and I don’t need to price compare between Neiman Marcus and Kmart.

I propose an internet clean-up crew, or maybe a separate internet for people who just want to find what they’re looking for and move on. Everyone else can live in a world where their hideous Geocities website about Care Bear collectibles might be interesting and useful to someone.

So You Think You Can Pants?

mytakeonyrface — Thu, 17 Dec 2009 15:55:23 +0000

An interview with myself.

Tell me about yourself.

Well, I’m a MWF. Bored yet?

What would an arcade game about you be called?

Help, I’m a Narcoleptic! Feed Me Amphetamines! It’d be similar to feeding Big Bertha.

If you were a sound, what sound would you be?

An exasperated sigh.

So, why don’t you quit smoking?

When you’re in high school, you have tons of friends. When you’re in college, you have even more friends. Then, when you join the workforce and they cancel your soap, cigarettes are your friends. Well, cigarettes and your forced, weird work family. And that cool girl you work with. And I mean, you still have your old friends, but you can only see them every once in a while.

What cartoon character can you most relate with?

Frylock. I’m surrounded by idiots and I like to wear my hair in cornrows.

What is your greatest weakness?

Pizza.

If you could have hot hot sex with a male and female celebrity at the same time, who would you do?

Jesse Spencer and Olivia Wilde.

If you could meet anyone in the world dead or alive who would it be and what would say to them?

I’d want to meet and befriend a rich person who is willing to fund my wildest dreams with no strings. I’d say, “hey, I wanna move to San Francisco and go to art school and live in a sweet apartment with a live-in masseuse and dog walker and take tours of the world in my free time and have a personal trainer and nutritionist and be able to go shopping for whatever I want whenever I want it.”

If you were stranded on a desert island, what three items would you take with you?

A pillow, a collection of literary works, and some lube.

What are the five things you can’t live without?

Cigarettes, husband, pillows, tea, and pizza.

You look like you’re going to fall asleep.

zzzzzzzz

Some Losers Have All The Luck

mytakeonyrface — Wed, 02 Dec 2009 14:55:09 +0000

I got on Facebook this morning and noticed that a lot of the slackasses I’ve known over the years are living in awesome cities. So is this the rule?

Graduate college on time, get a job, pay bills, finance a car = you’re still stuck in Central Florida. Go to rehab, go to jail, take 7 years to get your bachelors degree (or not) = you’re updating your facebook with pictures of your good times in New York City.

Is it because they load up two duffel bags, hop on the Greyhound and hope for the best? Is that the way to get the hell out of the South? Should my husband and I sell all of our belongings and head to California? It would definitely weigh less.