An interview with myself.
Tell me about yourself.
Well, I’m a MWF. Bored yet?
What would an arcade game about you be called?
Help, I’m a Narcoleptic! Feed Me Amphetamines! It’d be similar to feeding Big Bertha.
If you were a sound, what sound would you be?
An exasperated sigh.
So, why don’t you quit smoking?
When you’re in high school, you have tons of friends. When you’re in college, you have even more friends. Then, when you join the workforce and they cancel your soap, cigarettes are your friends. Well, cigarettes and your forced, weird work family. And that cool girl you work with. And I mean, you still have your old friends, but you can only see them every once in a while.
What cartoon character can you most relate with?
Frylock. I’m surrounded by idiots and I like to wear my hair in cornrows.
What is your greatest weakness?
Pizza.
If you could have hot hot sex with a male and female celebrity at the same time, who would you do?
Jesse Spencer and Olivia Wilde.
If you could meet anyone in the world dead or alive who would it be and what would say to them?
I’d want to meet and befriend a rich person who is willing to fund my wildest dreams with no strings. I’d say, “hey, I wanna move to San Francisco and go to art school and live in a sweet apartment with a live-in masseuse and dog walker and take tours of the world in my free time and have a personal trainer and nutritionist and be able to go shopping for whatever I want whenever I want it.”
If you were stranded on a desert island, what three items would you take with you?
A pillow, a collection of literary works, and some lube.
What are the five things you can’t live without?
Cigarettes, husband, pillows, tea, and pizza.
You look like you’re going to fall asleep.
zzzzzzzz
